Wednesday 30 November 2011

Tics

Not ticks like a dog would get but tics like a twitch...

Occasionally between the ages of 4 and 8, our Youngest Son would start blinking like crazy. Sometimes to the point of making a little headtwitch with it. He’s such a cool guy, it pained us to see it happen. It seems to have settled down now. Each doctor we took him to said it was probably an allergy, though we’ve not been able to find what out what kind. It's since disappeared...

However, I found information like the following both reassuring and helpful in terms of responding well to the ‘behaviour’ while it was happening.

NOTE: The following information and advice is taken from the Raising Children Network…

Tics are muscle spasms that cause jerky movements, such as blinking, twitching of the face or jerky movements of the arm or shoulder, that seem out of the child’s control.
  • The movement may start because of discomfort, e.g. blinking a lot may be caused by eyesight problems, and nose twitching may be caused by an allergy.
  • A child can usually stop a tic for a short time if asked, but it sometimes comes back when she is not concentrating on stopping it.
  • Sometimes tics are caused by health problems such as Tourette syndrome.
  • Tics may be triggered by stress in the child’s life, e.g. learning difficulties, family problems.
  • Tics can be very distressing to a child, and some children with tics are made more unhappy by being teased.
  • If there is no underlying health problem, it is important to try to deal with any stress in the child’s life.
  • Relaxation exercises may help.
  • If the tic is very distressing for your child, and it does not go away after a few weeks, seek help from a health counsellor.
I’m going to add one more suggestion. Don’t make a big deal of it with the child. It often reinforces the behaviour rather than stopping it. It can make them feel helpless in the face of it and if it is stress-related, that will exacerbate the problem. The best piece of advice from the list above for me was about dealing with the stress. If our son’s blinking thing wasn’t allergy related, he was (at that time) quite prone to getting very stressed about things (the complete opposite to our Oldest Son) and so perhaps our work on removing his stressors and helping him with stress-management has been of benefit there.

Sunday 20 November 2011

Pregnancy Birth & Baby Hotline (Australia)

Launched on July 1, 2010, Australia’s Pregnancy Birth & Baby Hotline is a new service which aims to give women, their partners and families somewhere to turn for information and support on everything from reproductive health, pregnancy and birthing, through to their child’s first birthday.

The important things for readers of FoF is that male partners and new dads are one of the main focuses of the service. Hotline management said in a recent email to me, ’There is a growing understanding that dads need as much support during the early years of life as mums do, so there are two specialised male counsellors available on the helpline as well as trained staff who can provide information on local support networks and services for dads.’

To which I say, ‘Finally.’

See number in image above.

Friday 11 November 2011

Pete Aldin talks Fatherhood

Hi there Dads and Mums everywhere. Below is the link to the recent interview with myself and my work colleague Steve Reid, at Christian radio program Family Life Australia.

We chatted mainly about why the Freakedout Fathers website was created, and what might stress Dads out (as well as what can be done!).

Enjoy!

http://familylifeaustralia.sermon.net/da/2734463/play

Tuesday 8 November 2011

Even Dads Need to Defrag

I'm a life coach. No, no, don't close the window, hear me out!!

A Dad I was coaching (you don’t know him, folks, he’s never commented on this blog, stop guessing!), once lamented about the complete lack of time in his life to think, plan, pray. He lacked ”time away from the noise” as he put it.
Now this man deeply loved his wife and four kids, he loved his work. But he was the kind of guy (I think most of us are) who needed regular space just to clear his head, get some focus, think and even not have to think!

His wife and youngest child had health problems. His job meant 9 hours straight of interacting with people at way beyond the surface level, always giving out. He lived only a few minutes away from home and the trip home was nowhere near enough time to “change hats” from Worker to Dad.

Fellas, if you’re lucky enough to be living with your family (ie., not divorced or separated), and regardless of whether your wife is working or at home, whether you are a SAHD or a “working” Dad like my friend above (as if stay-at-home parents don’t work!), you need that time out that my friend was missing. (So does your wife, by the way).

I suspect this is why many men make the detour to the pub or bar on the way home, or actually stay back in the office when everyone else has left, just to have some peace and quiet where they don’t have to listen carefully, respond, mediate, etc etc. Unfortunately neither of these solutions is really meeting the need. You need time to relax and refresh, to let go of one role before taking on the next, a way to chill out…

Now don’t give me that crap about being too busy. If your wife said she’d been too busy to take the car in for its scheduled service 18 months ago, you’d go postal on her, so be consistent here dude…
Here’s some thoughts on the how and the what:
  1. My coaching client above decided at first on ten-minute walks around the carpark at work during the day. He did this because his wife wan’t yet in a place to accept him taking a 30 minute detour anywhere on his way home at night. His workplace understood: most of them just thought he was exercising, while his mangers knew what he was up to and that he would come back into the office with a clearer mind.
  2. A bunch of coaching buddies and I have a monthly practise, some of them call it a Refocus Day, I call it a Defrag Day. Some of them hike. I mix it up between a favourite sheltered cove/beach nearby and coffee shops, where I can just stare at the water, think, drink good coffee, read, plan, etc. Again, my coaching client above revived his own practises of halfdays away praying in the forest at a favourite spot by a stream.
  3. One of my friends’ Dads had a great routine each night. He would come home, kiss his wife, say hi to the kids and then retreat to the lounge room with a paper (or occasionally with nothing) and just sit for 20   minutes. In that time, his wife enforced the rule that no one was to disturb him. And when he came back into the family space 20 minutes later, he was fully present with them.
  4. This will take talking through with your partner, so get ready to sell it, to be vulnerable, to not be immediately understood. These go with the territory. But this is worth calmly persisting with…
  5. Like most things to do with your inner world, you’re only going to get suggestions from me rather than a formula. You gotta try some things out, talk some things out, find your own solution here. The important thing is defrag your head and your life regularly and both will run better.
If you want to read a little more about this, try these posts: